My Flawed Design

Ok, I haven't updated in a while and I just read everyone's updates, and its not like everyone doesn't really already know what is going on in my life, but ok. 

So, a week ago, I stood on the scale and realized I weighed 189lbs. I started freaking out and it was that that made me FINALLY want to do something. It was Katie, though, that inspired me to do Weight Watchers, I am sure we all agree that she looks great!! Anyways, I would like to be about 150lbs so that is my goal. The first 3 days I felt like I was going to die because I wasn't eating as much as I normally would because my portions were cut in half! ha. Anyways, by Thursday, I started feeling better, more energetic and what not. I have been drinking more water and having smaller portions and I just have to impliment some exercise in, but I am sure everyone knows it is hard cause it is SOOO hot. I am trying to get into jump rope cause it burns a lot of calories and no one but my parents have to see me sweat. I also, haven't been drinking as much. Last night was the first time I have gotten trashed in a week. I know that doesn't sound like much, but I usually drink during the week, like a cooler or 2. 

No, I am not officially back together with Chris. Yes, we are still seeing each other. It is complicated. We are like, friends with benefits.... and feelings? I am hesitant to get with him until he is stable in life with a job and whatnot, and also I would like to be mentally stable. I am a control freak and I like things my way and I like people to think my way; I'm sure you get the picture. We are just enjoying each other's company and being friends. I feel like there is less stress in our quirky relationship, which is nice.  

Work is work. It hasn't changed. Sushi sales are drastically dropping. We just can't sell it next to Thrifty's. Safeway, I think, waited too long to get on the fresh in-store made sushi bandwagon. 

I AM, however, incredibly excited to go camping in August!!!! If I haven't said that enough hahah. Anyways, that's it. Bye.

Cinderella:

[ ] One of your parents is dead
[ ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[x] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[ ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[ ] Your mom is really strict
[ ] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[ ] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[x]You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[ ] You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 3

Belle:

[x] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[x] You’ve been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[ ] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird
[x] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[ ] You love to take care of people in need
[ ] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[ ] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 6


Jasmine:

[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[ ] You are very clever
[x] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[x] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[ ] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[x] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[ ] You are wealthy
[x]Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 6


Ariel

[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[x] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you
[x] You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[x] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters (3 or more)
[ ] You collect something
[x] You have/had long, hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[ ] You’re extremely curious
[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
TOTAL: 6


Snow White:

[ ] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[ ] You’ve almost been killed
[x]You have at least seven good friends
[x] You’ve had food poisoning
[x] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[x] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than inside
TOTAL: 7


Mulan:

[ ] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[ ] People wish you could be a bit more girly
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[x] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[ ] Your parents try to plan your life out
[ ] A lot of your friends are boys
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[ ] You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them
TOTAL: 4


Aurora:

[x] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[x] You almost died at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[ ] You have a decent singing voice
[ ] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[x] You’re very romantic
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
TOTAL:4


Pocahontas:

[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[x] You are more spiritual than religious
[x] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[x] One of your family members is dead (mum, dad, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa)
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[ ] Someone you know has been in war
[x] You love nature
[x] You have/had black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[ ] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL: 8

Take the princess’s name that you got the most in and repost…if you have more than one,
play eenie meanie minie moe with them until you get an answer and…
Repost this as, If I were a Disney Princess, I’d be _______ .
And Tag five or more of Your Friends in it!!
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x ♥

Hey.

I am at a standstill. I am so bored. I have tried playing games on the internet. I have tried listening to music. I tried watching tv. I tried looking for gossip girl season 2 episodes that I could watch but unfortunately I can't find the episodes I want. I can't really go out because I don't have much money and I have to work at 6am tomorrow. I am so bored that I polished my parents hardwood floors. I emptied the dishwasher. I had a shower. I scrubbed and put on waterproof spray on my Ugg boots. I tried to create a budget for myself for the future. I even helped my Dad peel potatoes. 

Today I ate really disgusting Safeway sushi. It was hard and it didn't taste very good. I am disappointed with my coworkers. I am not trying to sound full of myself, but I am better than everyone else at it. But I suppose I should be if I am the manager. My grandma is in the hospital; probably dying of pneumonia. All my family is coming up to see her (most likely to say goodbye). I went and saw her yesterday. My mom suggested I go see her because if she hadn't said anything, I would have just freezed up and not gone to go see her.  I held her hand as she told me what a nice girl I was. I kissed her hand and her forehead and her cheeks. I listened to her struggle to breathe. I could hear the mucus in her lungs; drowning her from the inside out. She kept asking, "When can I go home?" "I don't know, Grandma."

Chris has been sleeping for most of the time that we have been together since he got back from New Brunswick. I can't wait till he gets his medication so I don't have a zombie boyfriend (sorry pookie, but its true). Went to see my friend Lukas last night as well. I needed someone to smoke a joint with me and I had just seen my grandma and missed the bus. It was the first time in about a month that I had seen James, that loser I had once considered dating, but had ended up becoming friends with him but then he hit on me and his girlfriend at the time found out and made me the enemy so he wasn't allowed to talk to me. (Big run-on, but w/e). We said "hi" to each other. Then he left after 15 minutes and Lukas told me that James had actually dumped his naggy, bossy girlfriend. I ended up texting him saying, "I'm sorry things didn't work out with Sandra." We ended up talking on the phone later and he apologized for letting Sandra (his ex) control him and not let him talk to me and how he was whipped. Funny enough, before I could make a joke about how he can't seem to hold a girlfriend, he beats me to the punch and takes the words right out of my mouth. It was nice to talk to him like we used to, but there are no feelings, at least on my side, involved with anything more than friendship. (Just so you know Chris, so don't freak out.) I feel sorry for James. "Womanizer" pops into my head whenever I talk to him. "Too bad for you. Just can't find the right companion." Anyways, that's a tied up loose end that I feel better about. 

I really want Chris to get his ass in gear when it comes to him going back to school and graduating it and getting a job that he likes that pays him and is stable. I want to move out. I want to live with my fucking boyfriend, dammit! I am sick of waiting. I never get sick of his company, well at least when I do, it's not for long. I still say that if Chris can get his shit together, I will marry him and have his babies. 

I have come to the conclusion that I am the poster woman for work-related sexual harrassment. Two years ago, I had one of my acquaintances fired for putting a cucumber to my ass and making disgusting gestures, kissing me at work, saying in front of customers that I owe him sexual favors if he has to take the garbage out.  Then awhile ago, I don't remember when it exactly started happening, but we have this middle aged woman who is Albanian, from Kosovo. She is <b>obsessed</b> with my ass. She'll grab it, squeeze it, smack it whenever she can. She is one of those ass squeezers that likes to put their fingers in the crack, if you know what I'm sayin'. But she will even rave about my ass to my coworkers, "eet's sooo niiiiiiiiice! da boyz liiike. so sexxxx-ee" (that is my letter pronounciation of how she talks. If you have heard my Ivanka recordings, she sounds like that. pretty much like a lower grade russian. She also likes to squeeze my boobs and be like "ohhh so nicccce!" Also, in the past few months, we have this new guy in the produce department. His name is Ali and he is from India. He says he is 26, but he looks like he is definitely in his 30s. He is greasy, smells like raging BO, and is creepy-as-fuck! He just smiles at you and stares for ages. Anyways, within the last couple months, he has started calling me "pretty sushi girl/lady". I often have to go to produce to get avocados and cucumbers and carrots for my sushi. So when I go over there, he will say "hey pretty sushi lady. want some of my avocados? let me take you to the back" So a couple weeks ago, I was eating a Subway sandwich...and when I say eating, I mean devouring because I love Subway. I was very wrongfully eating it in the back of the deli, and I wasn't even working. I was just stoned and hungry and didn't want my sandwich to get cold. haha. So I am eating it and Ali comes into the back to put back the Deli Order Gun and he is just staring at me with his creepy black eyes and smiling with his weird Grinch-like smile. He watches me for about 5-10 minutes and then he says, "You are so sexy when you eat." I turned to him and said "Uh...thanks.... buh-bye now." I told my manager the next day. She had a field day. I end up telling some of my other coworkers. He has been harrassing them too. He told my 16 year old coworker that there was a "party in his pants" for her. Not to mention the produce guys have told us that Ali raves about how he wants to "bed" all of us. GROSS.

Anyways, I am going to go see if there is anything to do yet....

1. Bold the ones that are true.
2. Italicize the ones that are sort of true.

General

* I am 5'4 or shorter.
* I think I'm ugly.
* I have many scars.
* I tan easily.
* I wish my hair was a different color.
* I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
* I have a tattoo.
* I am self-conscious about my appearance.
* I have/had braces.
* I wear glasses.
* I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
* I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
* I have had more than two piercings.
* I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
* I have freckles.

Family/home life

* I've sworn at my parents.
* I've run away from home.
* I've been kicked out of the house.
* My biological parents are together.
* I have a sibling less than one year old.
* I want to have kids someday.
* I have children.
* I've lost a child.

Embarrassment

* I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
* Disney movies still make me cry.
* I've snorted while laughing.
* I've laughed so hard I've cried.
* I've glued my hand to something.
* I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
* I've had my pants rip in public.

Health

* I've had stitches.
* I've broken a bone.
* I've had my tonsils removed.
* I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
* I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
* I've had serious surgery.
* I've had chicken pox.

Traveling

* I've driven over 200 miles (320km) in one day. 
* I've been on a plane.
* I've been to North America.
* I've been to Niagara Falls.
* I've been to Japan.
* I've been to Europe.
* I've been to Africa.

Experiences

* I've been lost in my city.
* I've seen a shooting star.
* I've wished on a shooting star.
* I've seen a meteor shower.
* I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
* I've pushed all the buttons in a lift. 
* I've been to a casino.
* I've been skydiving.
* I've gone skinny dipping.
* I've played spin the bottle.
* I've crashed a car.
* I've been skiing.
* I've been in a play. 
* I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
* I've seen the northern lights.
* I've sat on a roof top at night.
* I've played chicken.
* I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
* I've eaten sushi.
* I've been snowboarding.

Relationships

* I'm single.
* I'm in a relationship.
* I'm available.
* I'm engaged.
* I'm married.
* I've gone on a blind date.
* I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
* I have a fear of abandonment.
* I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
* I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
* I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
* I've kept something from a past relationship. 

Sexuality

* I've had a crush on someone of the same gender.
* I've kissed a member of the same gender.
* I've had sex with someone of the opposite gender.
* I've had sex with someone of the same gender.
* I've had sex with more than one person at the same time.
* I am a cuddler.
* I've been kissed in the rain.
* I've had sex outdoors.
* I've hugged a stranger.
* I have kissed a stranger.
* I have had sex with a stranger. (well i had only known him for a few days...)

Honesty/crime

* I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
* I have lied to my parents about where I am.
* I am keeping a secret from the world.
* I've cheated while playing a video game.
* I've cheated on a test.
* I've driven through a red light.
* I've been suspended from school.
* I've witnessed a crime.
* I've been in a fist fight.
* I've been arrested.
* I've shoplifted.

Drugs/alcohol

* I've consumed alcohol.
* I have/do smoked cigarettes.
* I have/do smoked pot.
* I regularly drink.
* I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
* I take cough medication when I'm not sick.
* I've done hard drugs.
* I've been addicted to an illegal substance.
* I can't swallow pills.
* I can swallow about five pills at a time no problem.

Random

* I can sing well.
* I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
* I open up to others too easily.
* I watch the news.
* I don't kill bugs.
* I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
* I fucking swear regularly.
* I sing in the shower.
* I am a morning person.
* I paid for my mobile phone ring tone.
* I'm a snob about grammar.
* I am a sports fanatic.
* I play with my hair.
* I have/had "x"s in my screen name.
* I love being neat.
* I love spam.
* I've copied more than 30 cds in a day.
* I bake well.
* My favourite colour is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue. 
* I don't know how to shoot a gun.
* I am in love with love.
* I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
* I laugh at my own jokes.
* I eat fast food weekly.
* I believe in ghosts.
* I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
* I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
* I am really ticklish
* I love white chocolate.
* I bite my nails.
* I play video games. 
* I'm good at remembering faces.
* I'm good at remembering names.
* I'm good at remembering dates.
* I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I sit here and I stare at my computer screen wondering, "What should I type? What should I say?" Sometimes I will sit here for a good five to ten minutes--zoned out, trying to muster something to say. Instead, I copy and paste lyrics that I like of the songs I am listening to. I use someone else's words to describe how I am feeling because I can't think for myself. Or if I do, I am not aware. I am null and void. Braindead. Smoking so much pot has made me into another mindless zombie. A slave to a drug. I have started watching a movie called, "Numb" about this guy who when he is really stressed and on the casp of a nervous breakdown, has 12 tokes off a joint in a few seconds and it was enough to give him a personality disorder called Depersonalization. Everything is at an arms length. Numb to everything. It's like being permanently stoned, except it's not fun. Disconnected from everything. Always in your head, lost in thought, but not knowing what you are lost in thought about. Sometimes when you do certain drugs, you can have an out of body experience called disassociation. It is like you are in your body, yet you're not. As if you are watching yourself act out your life and you are not experiencing your life first hand but through someone else. Not to say I have much of a life. I sit here and I listen to music and I think of partying. I think about smoking pot everyday; all day. 

Other than that, I am still sick. I am still dating Chris and I still wish he wasn't going to New Brunswick for Christmas. However, its a chance for him to see his old friends, and for me to see mine without either of us demanding the other's attention. I am very slowly getting better at making sushi. There are 5 of us who were trained to do it, but my coworker Joyce and I, are the head honchos. We work so well together that we get a lot of work done, have a good time and then have nothing to do, which is a problem. We are hoping sushi sales go up more, even thought they are growing everyday, cause if management realizes that we are running out of stuff to do, then we'll get our hours cut probably, which neither of us need. Run-on sentence, I know. I got my Visa today. I got a little excited and spent about $115. However, I have that money, so I already transferred money from my Chequings to my Visa. I bought these little booties ($30) and this lace bustier ($25) from Suzy Shier and I bought eyebrow stencils ($40) from the Bay. Not really anything I need that I can buy online. Too nervous (and wise) to buy pants online. With this ass that I am packing, I need to try on pants and skirts. Anywho, let's hope I get better from whatever sickness I may have.

Well I guess it's my turn now after Kim. I currently have the flu and I am very achy and sore and my head feels like it is swelling. I have been drinking NeoCitran and occassionaly smoking a joint because it takes some of the pain away. I just had a hot tub, it was nice. I have been very stressed at work. Safeway has a new policy of the workers acting like sales people. Every 30 min, each deptartment has to go on the PA and do a sales announcement. "Good afternoon shoppers! This week in our deli deptartment we are featuring our BBQ Chicken Dinner. Regularly priced at $13.99, it is now on sale for $10.99. A savings of $3 with your club card... blah blah blah." Guess who usually has to do them all... me! Apparently I am the best at it, but now that I am sick, I was doing an announcement and in the middle of my talking, I just lost my voice. Another new thing at Safeway is in-store made sushi. Guess who is running it? Me! I am guaranteed 40 hours a week and I am head sushi chef and no one can take my position or my morning shifts for a year. We started training yesterday. Today, I made california rolls on white and brown rice. I also made vegetarian california rolls on white and brown rice. I also made vegetable rolls with red pepper, carrots, and cucumber. It's pretty easy; just a fuckload of prep work. We learned that when sushi makes people sick, it is from the rice, not the fish as most people think. It depends on the rice's acidity. If the pH level is too high, you have to add more vinegar. If the pH is too low, you have to add rice. So for 8 california rolls, "it is regularly priced at $5,49 and it is now on sale for $4.99". God, help me.

Chris and I are still on again; off again, but I feel as if him and I have a stronger bond now, but we still both have bad tempers. All I want from him is to settle the money and job issue  and we move in together, then I believe everything will be ok for us. My mom has a new job. She used to be a sales representative for a box company called Crown Packaging. It is very popular, it's in Richmond. She has been asked there many times to become manager, but my mom liked being where she was and didn't want anymore responsibility because she was always so stressed all the time. But then two and a half months ago, they offered her the position of Design Manager at their sister company, Crown Creative in Burnaby. My mom ended up taking it and she got a $20G raise but works longer days. I think she likes it. My mom likes a challenge. My dad is currently writing a book on all his cop stories. My mom and I think he's just really bored. But yesterday he told me he had written 15,000 words. 

I applied for a Visa last week because I figured I could work on my credit and also be able to buy things online. Everyone thinks I am going to fail, but I don't think I will. I have many vices, but shopping is not one of them. But yeah, I can't really think of anything else to say.

"Now that it's raining more than ever, know that we'll still have each other..."

"The sacrifice that I made brought me to my knees. A choice that cost me everything and set somebody else free."

"Well I guess you took my youth and gave it all away. Like the birth of a new-found joy, this love would end in rage."

"Now I watch as the rain comes down to purify this pain. When mountains crumble and stars collide, I am what remains. There are lessons that sadness can only teach. There are things that we must learn. Now I won't die if you walk away, but I may not live."

"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn't even matter. I had to fall to lose it all, but in the end it doesn't even matter."



Those are the mopey lyrics of my day.
I will keep you posted. 
 

All I do is work, sleep and see Chris. 
I hang out with my girlfriends maybe once every two weeks.
I work 38 hours a week and they are often starting inbetween 5am and 9am.
I don't talk to any males.
I don't really have any male friends.
The only time I go out without Chris is with my girlfriends.
I rarely drink.


How the fuck is Chris accusing me of cheating on him?
I don't want to and I certainly don't have the time.

Michelle and/or Kim,

I am available on Saturday and Sunday.

Saturday I can't really stay out past 9pm because I work at 6am on Sunday.
Sunday night, I can stay out cause I don't work till 1:30pm the next day. (if we were to try to have a sleepover, this would be the night)

Friday, June 13: 1:30-10:00pm
Saturday, June 14: 10:00-6:30pm

Sunday, June 15: 9:00-5:30pm
Monday, June 16: 1:30-10:00pm
Tuesday, June 17: I don't really know what's going on with this day because I might switch it with Saturday or Sunday if I can because I've been working so many 7 days in a row.
Wednesday, June 18: 5:30-2:00pm
Thursday, June 19: 5:30-2:00pm
Friday, June 20: might be busy, but plans can open up
Saturday, June 21: might be busy, but plans can open up

Sunday, June 22: 6:00-2:30pm
Monday, June 23: 1:30-10:00pm
Tuesday, June 24:
Wednesday, June 25: 5:30-2:00pm
Thursday, June 26: Am writing my History 12 Provincial 9:00-12:00pm
Friday, June 27: am now working 4-10
Saturday, June 28: 10:00-6:30


By the way Michelle, you should download "Conversations with Other Women" from your bittorrent. It's a really good movie, very different style, but it was very captivating. You should also download the song I'm listening to, you might like it.

Sunday, May 25: 9:00-5:30pm (6:15pm) (did 45 minutes of overtime because there was a post-May Day rush)
Monday, May 26: 5:30-2:00pm
Tuesday, May 27:
Wednesday, May 28: 5:30-2:00pm
Thursday, May 29:
Friday, May 30:
Saturday, May 31: 9:00-5:30pm
Sunday, June 1: 6:00-2:30pm
Monday, June 2:
Tuesday, June 3: 5:30-2:00pm
Wednesday, June 4: 10:00-6:30pm
Thursday, June 5: 11:30-5:30pm
Friday, June 6:
Saturday, June 7: 9:00-5:30pm

Tues, May 6th: 7:00am-3:30pm
Wed, May 7th: 5:30am-2:00pm
Thurs, May 8th: [writing a History test in the morning...]
Fri, May 9th: 9:00am-5:30pm
Sat, May 10th: 9:00am-5:30pm

Sun, May 11th: 3:00pm-9:00pm
Mon, May 12th: 4:00pm-10:00pm
Tues, May 13th:
Wed, May 14th: 5:30am-2:00pm
Thurs, May 15th: 9:00am-5:30pm
Fri, May 16th:
Sat, May 17th: [MY BABY'S TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY!!!! xoxoxoxo]

I'm burning out, it's work-related. I am so tired all day and I daydream of sleeping. When I sleep, I just want more. When I wake up, I want to sleep more. I'm glad that next week I don't work 4 harsh shifts in a row. The 5:30am shifts, like I have today, are good in the sense that I get about 4 hours alone and stress-free time, but waking up at this hour everyday is hard. The 7am shift I had yesterday is nice cause I can sleep in a bit more and still get off relatively early, but it's stressful because you can fall behind easily. Anyways, I have to go get ready. bye.

Wed, April 30th: 5:30am-2:00pm
Thurs, May 1st: 7:00am-3:30pm
Fri, May 2nd: 5:30am-2:00pm
Sat, May 3rd: 9:00am-5:30pm
Sun, May 4th:
Mon, May 5th:
Tues, May 6th: 7:00am-3:30pm
Wed, May 7th: 5:30am-2:00pm
Thurs, May 8th: writing a History test in the morning...
Fri, May 9th: 9:00am-5:30pm
Sat, May 10th: 9:00am-5:30pm
Sun, May 11th: 3:00pm-9:00pm
Mon, May 12th: 4:00pm-10:00pm
Tues, May 13th:
Wed, May 14th: 5:30am-2:00pm
Thurs, May 15th: 9:00am-5:30pm
Fri, May 16th:
Sat, May 17th: MY BABY'S TWENTY-THIRD BIRTHDAY!!!! xoxoxoxo

Blarg!
So hungover.
I am so sad because I just realized that not only am I not going to see Chris this weekend, but I can't see him much during the week because he won't be getting home till around 6 and I'm going to be having to go to bed really early on most days this week.

SCHEDULE

TUESDAY - 5:30am-2:00pm (did homework)
WEDNESDAY - 5:30am-2:00pm (seeing my pookie!)
THURSDAY - 7:00am-3:30pm (My Michelle time)
FRIDAY - 5:30am-2:00pm (Umm... Chrissy time?)
SATURDAY - 9:00am-5:30pm (so if Chris and I come it won't be until around 6 xoxo)
SUNDAY - NOTHING

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Lauren
-- Birthplace: Richmond
-- Gender: Female
-- Eye Color: Green
-- Hair Color: brown
-- Height: 5'5
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Pisces

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: British, Scottish, Irish, Norwegian and I'm from Bermuda but the people there are British anyways
-- The shoes you wore today: black flats
-- Your fears: Failing life, being chased, dark corners, being alone
-- Your perfect meal: I don't want to think about food
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: I agree with Michelle. If I make a goal, I'm just setting myself up for failure

LAYER THREE:
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Fuck my life.
-- Your best physical feature: Eyes (when i'm not crying or post-sob)
-- Your bedtime: I used to be later, but I find that I am exhausted constantly so I usually pass out before midnight
-- Your most missed memory: being happy.

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: either
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
-- Single or group dates: Prefer single but groups are fun, i guess.
-- Adidas or Nike: don't really care
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: don't care
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: either

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: i guess so
-- Cuss: yes
-- Sing: not a lot
-- Take a shower: everyday
-- Have a crush: no
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes.
-- Want to go to college: depends if I graduate
-- Liked high school: no, too many awful memories
-- Want to get married: I do, but I've come to the conclusion that it's not going to happen
-- Get motion sickness: yup
-- Think you're attractive: not really
-- Think you're a health freak: no. i'm just a freak
-- Get along with your parent(s): most of the time
-- Like thunderstorms: They're okay.
-- Play an instrument: not really

LAYER SIX:
In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: yup
-- Smoked: yup
-- Done a drug: yup
-- Had Sex: yup
-- Made Out: Yes.
-- Gone on a date: probably
-- Gone to the mall?: Yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
-- Eaten sushi: yes
-- Been on stage: No.
-- Been dumped?: yes
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Gone skinny dipping: no. just so everyone knows, don't have sex in a hot tub. they've actually proven how bad it is for you. Six girls have died already this year because the heat from the hot tub creates a bubble in your vagina and if it gets to your brain, you have an aneurism and die. isn't that lovely? i'm never fucking in a tub again!
-- Dyed your hair: yes
-- Stolen anything: yes.

LAYER NINE:
In a guy/girl...
-- Best eye color?: blue
-- Best hair color?: brown
-- Short or long hair?: i don't like long hair on guys.
-- Height: most guys are taller than me. it's nice
-- Best weight: as long as he's not 500lbs, it's ok :P
-- Best articles of clothing: I think Chris looks good in everything and nothing.

LAYER TEN:
-- Number of drugs taken: 10 (how fitting for this layer :P and no I didn't count alcohol)
-- Number of piercings: 2. one in each ear
-- Number of tattoos: no
-- Number of times name was in newspaper: none
-- Number of scars on my body: only 5 pop to my mind
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I don't feel like regretting. I don't want to live in the past anymore.

Friday, April 4th:
Work = 9:00am-5:30pm
Then drinking with Ayesha and other people

Saturday, April 5th:
Hopefully watching Chris kick some ass at his Smash Bro. Brawl tournament

Sunday, April 6th: 
                     {B-L-A-N-K}

Monday, April 7th:
Work = 11:30am-5:30pm

Tuesday, April 8th:
Work = 8:30am-5:00pm

Wednesday, April 9th:
Work = 11:30am-5:30pm

Thursday, April 10th:
Writing my Module 1 History test. (Wish me luck!)

Friday, April 11th:
Work = 5:30am-2:00pm

Saturday, April 12th:
Work = 5:30am-2:00pm

Sunday, April 13th:
                        {B-L-A-N-K}

Monday, April 14th: 
                        {B-L-A-N-K}

Tuesday, April 15th:
                        {B-L-A-N-K}
 
Wednesday, April 16th:
Work = 3:30pm - 12:00am

Thursday, April 17th:
Work = 11:30am-5:30pm

Friday, April 18th:
Work = 7:00am-3:30pm

Saturday, April 19th:
Work = 5:30am-2:00pm

1. Ms. Jones taught me English, but I think I just shot her son
Cause he owed me money, with a bullet in the chest you cannot run.
Now he's bleeding in a vacant lot
The one in the summer where we used to smoke pot.
I guess I didnt mean it, but man you shoulda seen it;
His flesh explode.

2. Guilt in my head hath been parted by grace
By the voice of an angel revealing her face.
And her words they make sense and I do understand,
Falling in love isn’t part of a plan.
Forces within me, mix reason with lust,
But I try to accept it and not make it worse.
Cause I know I might lose you by taking the chance
But love without pain isn’t really romance.

3. Everyone's got to face down the demons.
Maybe today, you could put the past away.
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend.
You could cut ties with all the lies that youve been living in
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.

4. I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry.
When I'm with you I feel like I could die
And that would be all right, all right.

5. I'm only pretty sure that I cant take anymore.
Before you take a swing, I wonder what are we fighting for?
When I say out loud, "I want to get out of this,"
I wonder is there anything I'm going to miss.
I wonder how its going to be when you dont know me?
Hows it going to be when you're sure I'm not there?

one] Do you sleep with socks on or off:
if i go to sleep with them on, i usually wake up with them off

[two] Do you flip your pillow to the cold side:
no. i flip it to the comfy side

[three] Do you like to hold or be held:
more being held, but sometimes i like to hold

[four] What type of guys/girls do you usually go for:
ones I like that I am attracted to, it usually starts from there. at the beginning, it's all chance.

[five] Would you rather be rich and unhappy or poor and happy?
poor and happy, i guess

[six] What is 1 thing you want to do before you die:
be happy

[seven] Have you ever churned Butter?
i'm sure I pretended to when we went to Fort Langley in elementary school

[eight] Are you trusting to new people?
depends on the vibe. i'm pretty open

[nine] If you could rate yourself as a good or bad friend on a scale of 1-10:?
I don't really have actual friends; just figments of my imagination. I guess I'm a 6

[ten] If you were the opposite sex for a day, what would be the first thing you would do ?
I would masturbate in the morning, fuck a guy in the afternoon and fuck a lady at night :P

[eleven] What is your favorite body part of the opposite sex?
hair, eyes, teeth, penis, lips

[twelve] If your dream was to be a model and a big opportunity came up but you had to be nude, would you take it?
Sure, why not?

[thirteen] What is the most money you would spend on a pair of shoes?
Probably $100, but usually I spend a LOT less. Those shoes would have to be amazing. I shop at payless for shoes. lol

[fourteen] If you found out a loved one had cancer and had 5 days to live, what would be the first thing you would do?
Cry and fuck their brains out and then hold them...if it was a guy. If it was a family member, I'd cry and hold them.

[fifteen] If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
a jungle green

[sixteen] If you could choose to star in ANY play or movie you wanted, what would it be?
I would be in a glamorous movie where I got to wear elaborate, elegant outfits that made me look divine

[seventeen] Do you have more friends or enemies?
it might be a tie :P

[eighteen] Would you rather help someone out or be helped out?
I usually help people out, i'm too much of a control freak to be "helped"

[nineteen] If you had to choose to be a different religion than what you are what would you choose?
buddism I don't care about my spelling, dammit! I'm tired!

[twenty] If you found out you couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
Maybe.

--------------------------

Next Time you will eat?
tomorrow morning

Last person you talked to on the phone?
Carol F (my coworker)

Where is your brother?
don't have one

What is the last thing you drank?
raspberry juice

What is currently bugging you?
I'm thirsty and I wish i was stoned

Last person you cursed at?
Chris?

When did a parent last tell you, You couldn't do something you wanted to?
uhhh i dunno.

The next time you will leave the city you're in?
i have no idea

Have you ever seen your mom cry?
Yes.

When was the last time you talked to the person you last kissed?
about 30 minutes ago?

Who will be the next person you kiss?
Chris

Who is your last text message from?
Taylor

What are you listening to?
the thoughts in my head chanting, "thirsty! smoke it up! thirsty! smoke it up!"

Last thing you said out loud?
"bye" to carly

What should you be doing right now?
drinking liquids and smoking pot and going to bed

What is your current status?
I'm tired.


Last time you took a picture?
today

Next time you will see the last person that made you cry?
friday?

Who was it?
Chris, I was sad cause his family is moving to NB and it's either he stays or he goes without me cause I refuse to go there cause it's apparently really boring

Are you hungry?
no i'm parched

Are you sad?
meh

Next person that will call you?
CHris?

Where is your dad?
sleeping in front of the tv downstairs

Last person that was at your house besides family?
umm... good question

What hurts right now?
my thirst

Are you a loud person?
Around certain people.

Does someone hate you for no reason?
probably

Did something awkward happen today?
no

Have you kissed anyone in the last 5 days?
Yes.

Have you bought clothing in the past week?
Nope.

Are you excited for anything?
no

Are your parents strict?
Not so much anymore

Last time you were in trouble?
no idea

Last person you commented?
Caitlin's photo

Here's an update.
I have to work at 6am and I'm up and he still hasn't called me which means he slept over there.
which means he got drunk
which could mean that he cheated on me AND will lose his job if he doesn't show up.